I’ve tried to think of a dozen different ways I could start writing this post, but words fail short every time. Ironic, for a copywriter. The simple explanation is that my feelings have been very muddled over the last few weeks because a massive change has happened in my life (which I don’t yet feel ready to talk about, sorry guys) and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I seem to come to a different conclusion every day.
With all these mood swings, my routine has been thrown off kilter and I lost my baking mojo for a while. I thought that would be one of the things I would turn to comfort myself but no, even baking held no appeal for me anymore. I haven’t been sleeping well, have to drag myself to the gym to get some exercise, and don’t even have any enthusiasm for cooking these days. For someone who loves to eat, it’s a bizarre way to feel.
I’m lucky to have the most wonderful friends who have cleared their weekends to spend time with me and keep me from staying home and brooding, which is usually how I would process a difficult situation. My friend Nessie came over one weekend and we baked a first batch of these cookies using pumpkin seed butter, but they were far from the final result, which I’m sharing with you today.
I brought these to work (so I wouldn’t eat them all by myself) and to my utter surprise they were all gone before elevenses. I knew they were tasty, but people absolutely went crazy for them. And I have to say, that give me a nice (and much-needed) little ego boost. Seeing people enjoying my cookies made me want to start baking again — the most satisfying part of baking is not producing the perfect [insert name of baked good] but knowing that people will enjoy it.
Moral of the story: nothing lasts for ever, this too shall pass, and I don’t know what the hell I would do without my friends and chocolate cookies.
Note: just in case the title wasn’t obvious enough, I must insist that they cookies are the fudgy, cakey type. I know that’s not everyone’s thing, and I usually prefer a crunchy, buttery cookie too, but these are surprisingly moreish. The chocolate and pumpkin seed butter make such a heavenly, wholesome mix. I haven’t tried making these with any other seed butter but I have a feeling sunbutter would work really well.
Fudge Chocolate Pistachio & Pumpkin Seed Cookies
- 160g (1.25 cups) plain flour
- 180g (3/4 cup) caster (white) sugar
- 1/4 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp baking powder
- 2 heaped tbsp cocoa powder
- 40g (1/4 cup) pistachios, roughly chopped
- 140ml (1/2 cup + 1 tbsp) coconut oil, melted
- 3-4 tbsp soya milk, slightly warm*
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 85g (half a jar, or 3 oz/1/3 cup) pumpkin seed butter**
- Line two baking trays with baking parchment. Pre-heat the oven to 180ºC (350ºC/gas mark 4).
- Combine all the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl.
- In a separate bowl, whisk the wet ingredients together. Make a well int he bowl with dry ingredients and pour in the wet. Mix with a wooden spoon to combine evenly, then use your hands to finish the job.
- Form 16 large balls from the dough and place them onto the trays, flattening them slightly with the palm of your hand.
- Bake for about 20 minutes, then cool on a wire rack.
- Enjoy still slightly warm or cool. Keep in an airtight container for up to 2 days.
Aside from my gorgeous friends and lovely coworkers, there is one other thing that’s made the last few weeks much easier to bear, and that’s Edinburgh. Every time I walk through the buzzing West End, every time I hear a seagull screeching down my chimney, every time I see the sun setting over the rooftops or the North Sea wind messes up my hair, I know this for certain: I was meant to live here, and I wouldn’t be happy anywhere else right now. I’m that person walking down the street listening to the Proclaimers on my iPod and singing along to every word. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Love and cookies,
Mmmmm yummy, you and me next week, baking and walking in Edinburgh…. Youpieeee…
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Hi
You seem to have a wonderful group of friends to help you through this and you’re right, nothing lasts forever! Things have changed for me recently too and I’m still trying to work things out so I totally sympathise! However, those chocolate cookies would be a huge help to me right now – yum – I just need to gluten free them!
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Hi Vicky! I do have the best friends, lucky me 🙂 I hope things start looking up for you too, and definitely recommend making some cookies to make things better – just in case, y’know. xoxo
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They look gorgeous Clem, I’m glad you got back into the swing of things baking-wise. I hope everything clears up and gets better for you, whatever your situation is… Heh, and the post ending made me a little homesick. 🙂
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Hi Shonalika! Thanks for your kind words 🙂 I can’t apologise for making you homesick, as it’s pretty much my life’s mission to make people fall in love with Edinburgh 😛 Hope you’re doing well, lovely. xoxo
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I really love your blog Clem, you are a beautiful writer and baker and your treats always look amazing!! Like these cookies -yummmm! I have also really appreciated your honesty and (for lack of a better word) human-ness that comes through in your posts. I am sorry that you are going through a rocky time at the moment. Your capacity to see light in what sounds like a messy situation is really inspiring (don’t feel pressured to share details – just whatever’s best for you :)). Wishing you all the best 🙂
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Thanks, Mary Rose! Your words made me feel a lot better ❤ xoxo
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These cookies look delicious. I hope life takes a turn for the better for you soon. I loved seeing the pictures of Edinburgh. My son is flying to Ireland tomorrow for three weeks then on to Scotland for a week traveling on his own.
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Hi Mary, thanks for your kind words! Your son is going to love Ireland, it’s a gorgeous green country full of lovely people! If he needs any ideas for vegan places to dine out in Scotland you might want to direct him to my Vegan In Scotland page on this blog!
xoxo
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So sorry for what you are going through right now. I must say I’m impressed that you were still able to bake and post – I doubt I could have gotten myself up to do either during those periods of my life with greater turmoil, but I’m sure it’s a good thing for you to keep moving and getting out, etc. For me, as with you, my friends have gotten me through, and you are clearly such a smart, sweet and warm spirit I am sure you’ll come through this just fine.
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Hi Connie, thanks for your sweet comment, it made me smile!
Not gonna lie, it’s been tough and some days I don’t have the energy to do anything but get through the day and then head home. But sometimes that’s the best you can do.
Thanks again for your lovely comment, it means a lot to me. xoxo
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I made the 1st time your recipe as stated above & they turned out perfect! The 2nd batch that I made, I used sunflower seed butter,…But omitted the pistachios. I loved that version even better! xxxx
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