I’ve tried to think of a dozen different ways I could start writing this post, but words fail short every time. Ironic, for a copywriter. The simple explanation is that my feelings have been very muddled over the last few weeks because a massive change has happened in my life (which I don’t yet feel ready to talk about, sorry guys) and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I seem to come to a different conclusion every day.
With all these mood swings, my routine has been thrown off kilter and I lost my baking mojo for a while. I thought that would be one of the things I would turn to comfort myself but no, even baking held no appeal for me anymore. I haven’t been sleeping well, have to drag myself to the gym to get some exercise, and don’t even have any enthusiasm for cooking these days. For someone who loves to eat, it’s a bizarre way to feel.
I’m lucky to have the most wonderful friends who have cleared their weekends to spend time with me and keep me from staying home and brooding, which is usually how I would process a difficult situation. My friend Nessie came over one weekend and we baked a first batch of these cookies using pumpkin seed butter, but they were far from the final result, which I’m sharing with you today.
I brought these to work (so I wouldn’t eat them all by myself) and to my utter surprise they were all gone before elevenses. I knew they were tasty, but people absolutely went crazy for them. And I have to say, that give me a nice (and much-needed) little ego boost. Seeing people enjoying my cookies made me want to start baking again — the most satisfying part of baking is not producing the perfect [insert name of baked good] but knowing that people will enjoy it.
Moral of the story: nothing lasts for ever, this too shall pass, and I don’t know what the hell I would do without my friends and chocolate cookies.
Note: just in case the title wasn’t obvious enough, I must insist that they cookies are the fudgy, cakey type. I know that’s not everyone’s thing, and I usually prefer a crunchy, buttery cookie too, but these are surprisingly moreish. The chocolate and pumpkin seed butter make such a heavenly, wholesome mix. I haven’t tried making these with any other seed butter but I have a feeling sunbutter would work really well.
Fudge Chocolate Pistachio & Pumpkin Seed Cookies
- 160g (1.25 cups) plain flour
- 180g (3/4 cup) caster (white) sugar
- 1/4 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp baking powder
- 2 heaped tbsp cocoa powder
- 40g (1/4 cup) pistachios, roughly chopped
- 140ml (1/2 cup + 1 tbsp) coconut oil, melted
- 3-4 tbsp soya milk, slightly warm*
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 85g (half a jar, or 3 oz/1/3 cup) pumpkin seed butter**
- Line two baking trays with baking parchment. Pre-heat the oven to 180ºC (350ºC/gas mark 4).
- Combine all the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl.
- In a separate bowl, whisk the wet ingredients together. Make a well int he bowl with dry ingredients and pour in the wet. Mix with a wooden spoon to combine evenly, then use your hands to finish the job.
- Form 16 large balls from the dough and place them onto the trays, flattening them slightly with the palm of your hand.
- Bake for about 20 minutes, then cool on a wire rack.
- Enjoy still slightly warm or cool. Keep in an airtight container for up to 2 days.
Aside from my gorgeous friends and lovely coworkers, there is one other thing that’s made the last few weeks much easier to bear, and that’s Edinburgh. Every time I walk through the buzzing West End, every time I hear a seagull screeching down my chimney, every time I see the sun setting over the rooftops or the North Sea wind messes up my hair, I know this for certain: I was meant to live here, and I wouldn’t be happy anywhere else right now. I’m that person walking down the street listening to the Proclaimers on my iPod and singing along to every word. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Love and cookies,