It’s time for a story, children. When I was a little girl, growing up on a farm in a bucolic little Belgian village, my mother grew figs in her garden. And one day, she showed me one and said: “They rather look like a pair of bollocks, don’t they?”
This little girl was inevitably traumatised and was never able to even consider eating a fig. Squishy, blasphemous, bollocksy figs. Thanks, Mum.
But this little girl is now twenty years old and it’s about time she started to learn to like figs. I like the dried version, although they look like squashed brains that have been left in a dehydrator too long, which, admittedly, doesn’t sound much better than a pair of you-know-what, but I’m no Freud, so what do I know about the ins and outs of childhood trauma. What I do know is that 1) figs are chockfull of calcium and heaps of other vitamins and minerals necessary to a healthy and fully functioning body, and 2) apparently figs are the fruits of a carnivorous plant and so they’re not really vegan?(!)
But nevermind that last one, figs are still fruits and so I shall continue eating them (sorry, little bees, it’s just the circle of life, I guess.) I’m still rather grossed out by the look of them, so I’ve thought of a clever little plan to add them to my diet: just blend them into a smoothie! They have a mild taste, so pair ’em with a few other fruits and some yogurt to add a bit of zing to your smoothie.
Prep time: 5 minutes
3 small figs, quartered
1 peach, stone removed and chopped
1 frozen banana, chopped
250ml (1 cup) plain soy yogurt
2 tsp chia seeds
a handful of spinach (optional)
Place everything in the blender and blitz till silky smooth. Add some spinach to make this into a green monster.